yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize