No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
