so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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