6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
