Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
