I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
