I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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