so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
