Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
