the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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