I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
