I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
