Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
These tits shall not be calmed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
