Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
