oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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