I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
