i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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