Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
