just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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