I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
