The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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