you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
