I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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