He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Randomize