No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
