yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
