He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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