we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
