I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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