What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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