I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
