it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
