He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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