I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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