I love black thongs
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
