My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
