i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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