i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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