i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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