I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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