I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
