I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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