i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
how drunk are you?
Several
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
