Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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