Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
