life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
