we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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