She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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