they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
