Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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