yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize