Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
