Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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