I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did I show you my penis last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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