I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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