Umm I'm too high to move.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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