she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
