all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
