ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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