shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
