I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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