I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
