My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
