Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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