I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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