THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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