Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
smell my finger.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
