she woke up with a sticky ear
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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