That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
