Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I died a long time ago.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
