I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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