She is in my trunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
