well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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