That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
