I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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