Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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