Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
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