Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize