Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
