New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
