sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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