I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone signed my nipple.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
