Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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