Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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