im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize