Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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