He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
