In America we eat man semen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
