I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
