ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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