why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
