do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
