i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
