Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
