he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
