I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
