I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
