His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
