I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
